Random Notes: All Starbucks Should Come With Drive-Thrus (cause I’m lazy like that)
Fire Alarm: The fire alarm in my apartment building sounds like someone is ripping the nails off a raccoon and strangling it with a phone cord. Of course with my stunning intellect I thought I had set fire to my own apartment and couldn’t figure out why my smoke detector was going off. After I realized that my apartment was not yet going up in flames I grabbed my purse and started my trek to the street. I tried to convince my Russian neighbors to evacuate the building but they shook their heads and shut their door. Since the only words of Russian I know include: watermelon, no, yes, tomorrow, and prostitute, I’d say my neighbors are screwed. You know unless they have a liking for prostitutes that like watermelon and swimming who may or may not show up tomorrow. Dah?
Even though those alarms may be false 99% of the time, my idea of fun isn’t burning up in my 625 ft of cubby space with a bedding set purchased from Target and a dying cactus. Sweet merciful God please wait until I have at least purchased my own cookie sheets and burned the contents of the box in the closet.
Moving on. . .
A math equation:
coffee + keyboard + dust off = I’m now covered in coffee because I’m an asshat.
If one spills coffee into their keyboard they should not use dust off to get the coffee out of the keyboard because said coffee will then be all over you, your paperwork, your computer screen, and everything else in your pen/cube.
Interviewing: I had a nice phone interview with a prospective employer. I have another interview tomorrow. Maybe one of these companies could hire me before 3pm tomorrow.
You see 3pm is when my meeting to discuss my bonus is scheduled with my boss. What this really means is that I will be tortured. My coworker’s meeting is nearly 4 hours long now. . . and if I have to sit in a meeting that goes past an hour and a half I will throw myself off the patio in front of the Komo4 weather center and newsroom. Oh and it will be messy.
My Doctor: HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. And I REALLY HATE THE NURSE. But I really must send them a bottle of wine in thanks for the 45 minutes well spent in that office this morning. I think that extra time spent watching south king county’s finest with various types of SARS wander in and out of the clinic walls really put a bright spot on my day. In fact, I really enjoyed talking with the nurse that keeps incorrectly ordering my prescriptions. It will be her head if I become pregnant by some weird immaculate conception baby.
Oh and I may have said the following during my phone interview:
“Oh yes my mother loves (insert company name here). She uses it to stalk the neighbors”
He laughed. . .I’m funny sometimes.
Oh who am I kidding I should probably come with a warning label.