It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. . .

by aquagnome22

I think my steady diet of coffee and trail mix is beginning to kill me.  I’m fixing this by drinking a slurpee and eating a bag of Munchies (Fritos, Doritos, Rold Gold, and SunChips).  I’m sure there’s something healthy about my lunch right? 

This Christmas I will be escorting my grandmother through two different airports.  My 85 year old grandmother.  My 85 year old grandmother who is armed with a cane, has a wicked sense of humor, spends her days trying to kill off her old folks home table mates, and who will probably attempt to pawn me off on a gay steward before our plane takes off. **

I’m sure the trip will be pure bliss for both of us.  She’ll freak out because she won’t be able to find me in the holiday travel hell of Sea-Tac Airport.  I’ll be freaking out because I may or may not have lost my grandmother and later you will all see me on the news in some horrible misunderstanding where they think I abandonned my elderly grandmother at the airport.   I’m sure security will also be loads of fun since my special friends at TSA will probably attempt to confiscate all of my grandmother’s meds for not being in 3oz bottles.  After their shifts they will probably try to sell these meds on PacHwy.

The reason why we are flying is because I thought it would be less painful for both of us to fly instead of spending 5+ hours in a car with each other.  That and the Washington State Patrol tends to frown at drinking cheap liquor at rest stops. . .or leaving family members at rest stops. *

However, I have found something to make this Christmas season a bit more bright for my family.  You see, last year my mother purchased the Michael McDonald Holiday CD at Halmark.  It was banned after three songs.  This Christmas I have decided that my family most definately needs a new holiday CD which will be remembered for years to come.  This Christmas I want to bring home the Billy Idol Holiday CD.  

If you don’t find that at least slightly funny please never read my blog again.  COME ON.  ITS BILLY IDOL.  ITS BILLY IDOL SINGING Jingle Bell Rock!!!!


*I love my grandmother.  But 5+ hours in a car depending on road conditions and stops…I’d probably strangle myself with snow chains