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Month: September, 2006

Quarter Life Crisis with a Dash of Cat Lady

I’m in a crazy mood right now that can only be the result of not eating breakfast and a lot of caffeine. . .and maybe some over the counter drugs. . .okay maybe one of them isn’t considered over the counter. . .never mind. . .I took a quarter of a pill last night and its all legal! I have the paperwork to prove it!  

We are celebrating Kerry’s 25th birthday this Saturday instead of the 30th (her real b-day) because Kerry is going on a mission trip to Misssissippi with some Protestants to rebuild homes.  Its kind of like when my mom went to Europe with some Mormon group. . .only my mom doesn’t have an issue with Mormons. . .where was I? 

Anyways I realized today that HOLY CRAP WE ARE TURNING 25.  You know what that means!? I can finally use having a quarter-life crisis as an excuse!  In college I thought about how by the age of 25 we would all be so different, so mature, so damn freaking classy I wouldn’t be able to stand it.  Instead I live in a cubby, still have my cement lawn gnome, eat microwavable chicken nuggets, and drink coke, and watch Discovery Health Channel.  My God its like I’m still in college except now I have more bills and have to sell my eggs for rent money (okay not really, that’s kinda creepy).      

Oh and if one more person I know gets engaged, married, knocked up, or otherwise involved in some sort of Pottery Barn/Crate and Barrel- type relationship I will saw off my arms and have hooks implanted that can also double as wine openers (No offense to Jenn or Manda).  Because while you are all planning your cute little lives I will be planning the following:

Cat Lady 1 

The cats will love me and do my bidding.  Though we all know I will probably end up dead in a trailer in some unincorporated part of Lewis County surrounded by this: Cat Lady 2

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And for my next trick I’ll show you how to fold a T-Shirt!

I wrote this huge long post yesterday to restart my blog and then it disappeared into blogging hell (which Matt pointed out so nicely to me).   So we’ll try this again. 

On Friday night I met up with the Beckers and Cassie McSassy at the Ram in UVillage.  I went directly after work so I had some time to kill prior to dinner.  Eventually I got bored and decided to get seated early since the Ram is notoriously crazy busy.  The bar was packed but I found a nice table with enough seating for us and I thought I’d just get a beer and kill 20 minutes.  That is of course until I was hit on. . . This 40ish year old guy in suit circles my table then comes around for another look. . .he goes : 

Guy “Excuse me are you Monique” 

Me “Um, no sorry” 

Guy “I think I got stood up.  You have really gorgeous hair” 

(no really, that’s what he said) 

Me “Oh thanks. . .bye now” 

(So I really entranced by my super cool phone and its text messaging capabilities.  I can see he’s still watching me so I never take my eyes away from the phone) 

Guy “I’m sorry I just can’t let this opportunity pass, my name is XYZ and you have a great smile too” 

Me “Oh well thanks, I’m Alexa” 

(still text messaging, because I’m mean like that) 

Guy “So Alexa what are you doing here this fine evening” 

Me “Waiting for my friends” 

Guy “What do you do?” 

Me “I work in sales” 

Guy “So you work at the Bon”  (Bon
Marche = Macys for the non-PACNW people)
 

(EXCUSE ME?) 

Me “No, I do not work at the Bon” 

Guy “Oh. . .so what do you do then?” 

Me “I work in inside sales for a software company selling a CRM and guest retention software tool to hotels and resorts both domestically and worldwide” 

(suck it) 

Guy “Oh. . .” 

Me “Yeah I don’t work in retail.  So what do you do” 

Guy “I am a campaign manager and political advisor for the democratic party” 

Me “Ooooh” (nervous laughter) 

(Sweet Jesus) 

Guy “Are you a member of the democratic party” 

Me (more laughter) “No, trust me when I say I am not a member of the democratic party” 

Guy “But you’re gorgeous and have a great smile and you’re telling me you’re a Republican?” 

Me “No, I’m saying I’m not a democrat” 

So this continues for 20 minutes.  In this 20 minutes he argues with me over minimum wage, health care for everyone, child poverty, the war in Iraq, the differences between senator Maria Cantwell and her opponent Mike McGavrick, and we had a whole discussion regarding fuel efficient cars. 

I felt like I was being Punk’d.  The highlights : 

Guy “They have the ability to make cars go 100 miles to the gallon, they just choose not to do it” 

Me “Is that economically feasible for the standard American who drives a Hyundai to afford a car that goes 100 miles to the gallon?” 

Guy “Well they could drive a Prius!” 

Me “You know Newsweek just did an article on how hybrid manufactures advertise that their cars do better gas mileage than they are actually capable of achieving” 

(He laughs at me.  No seriously he laughed at me. )  

Me “So do you drive a Prius?” 

Guy “Um no I drive a Corolla” 

Seriously the first thought that went through my head is that I’m arguing with a 40 year old who drives a compact vehicle, for some reason I do not find the Corolla acceptable.  Oh and I hate the Prius, I think its an evil vehicle and the people who drive them are incompetent drivers with bumper stickers that say things like “ORGANIC MAKES ME SMILE” and “FREE BALLARD” 

So then the conversation turns to health care. 

Guy “You know in Finland they have health care for everyone, and most of
Europe has the same thing”
 

Me “Are you comparing our country to
Finland?  
Finland only has a fraction of our population, and no influx if immigrants.  I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. We’re not exactly the same thing. . .and half of
Europe is socialist and has a less than stellar economy.”
 

Laughs at me some more. 

Guy “So don’t you agree that we should have health care available for everyone” 

Me “Sure” 

Guy “See you’re a democrat” 

Me “Just because I think people should have health care doesn’t make me a liberal or conservative” 

Laughs at me again. 

 

Cassie shows up right at 7pm and I was more than happy to see her!  I was beginning to contemplate having a seizure at the table.  You know, smack my head against the wood table a few times and drool.  My new friend went to find out why “Monique” stood him up and he finally took his leave. (Purple Monkey Dishwasher)  And I also had to explain to him that I vote independent.  I vote for both parties (sorry Jenn) and I don’t ascribe to one party or another but I sure as hell am not voting for Al Gore or any other remnant of the
Clinton era.   
 

But really, I’m only irritated by this whole conversation because he thought I worked in retail.  Just because I’m young and sitting alone in a bar doesn’t mean I work in retail.  I went to college damn it, I got a job, I live in a cubby and have house plants.  I don’t work in freaking retail!  I should have made some sort of comment like “I thought conservatives were the ones that were into typical stereotypical gender roles. Do you, as a democrat, believe women are not competent enough to be working in a male dominated sales industry?”  Jackass.   Maybe later I’ll go fold some t-shirts at the GAP.