What would you do?

Hey everyone, have you adopted your African child yet?  Because as you know you can’t be considered “in” this fall without your small dog, an oversized purse, a Bentley, and a African child.   I just don’t get it.  I’m not knocking the concept of adopting a child, I’m against the influx of celebs picking up children like they are the new designer must-have.  Oh I know “Alexa how could you be so cruel to say something like that” but seriously.  Oh and if Madonna is so into her new child why did a nanny go pick him up for that horrendously long flight back to the UK?  Eh?   

I did something yesterday that I have been putting off for the last two months.  I finally contacted a new dive shop and hope to finish up my certification and continue diving.  I am literally one class away from finishing my Dive Master certification.  This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but diving is one of the few things that I’m truly passionate about (you know besides KFC biscuits and cable tv).  It was something I enjoyed prior to college and became completely batsh*t crazy obsessed with over the past two years.  But during those past two years diving was also something I shared with someone that I thought I was spending the rest of my life with, it was practically our life.  Well that thought on life is now null and void, but my passion for diving is still there (though I have tried to suffocate it, pretended it didn’t exist, and worked very hard to block any memory of its existence over the past few months).  My gear has been locked away in a closet in my apartment that I literally haven’t opened since my gear was returned to me.  I had my tanks filled, I made sure my gear was dry and clean, and then I packed it away.   There have even been moments where I wanted to either set fire to that closet or just put all my gear up for sale because then I wouldn’t have to know that it was sitting there unused and mocking me.  I told my Dad I was afraid I wouldn’t dive again and wondered if I should put the gear up for sale.  He actually told me to quit being stupid and to start diving again.  Because really, why should I stop enjoying diving?  Why should I let the actions of another ruin what I enjoy? Right?  

This past weekend while running on Alki I ran into a group of Boy Scouts who were suiting up for their first Open Water classes.  I talked to their instructor and watched them make their way out to the dive flags set in 15ft of water off shore (skills are done in around 15 ft of water).  What is fun about the 15-18 age group is that they are much more resilient to the weather, current, and the fact that you are probably coercing them to just get into the water and be good little students.   Adults typically see through your “selective truths” and call you out on your BS.  I realized in watching these kids that I really missed diving.  Do I miss freezing my arse off every single weekend sitting in 15ft of murky water to teach? No.  I do miss helping with classes though, and hopefully I can find a sane balance between being a dive master and diving for enjoyment.   

Oh and here is a question for all of you.  What would you do if you pull up your company’s website and find a  “NOW HIRING” next to your position.  Would you freak out?  You see my review is tomorrow and I’m a bit freaked out.

Wait you still work here? Oh. . .guess we’ll need to schedule your review eh?

This is turning into one of those days where I’m a better person if I just sit in a closet and refuse to be social.  Just in case any of you thought I was kidding when I made comments regarding my work life here are some examples of how I am invisible. 

1.  My one year anniversary of being at this company was on Tuesday.  Tuesday we had a long staff meeting that didn’t start on time and lasted over an hour late and I missed yoga.  Here was the perfect opportunity to bring up my employment anniversary and talk about scheduling a review.  Did it happen? No.  So yesterday I emailed my boss and now we are finally setting something up.  We never completed a 90 day review and we’re still waiting to schedule the meeting that was originally scheduled my first week of employment.  I’m not even sure if my boss thinks I’m doing a good job let alone know whether or not I’ll be getting a raise.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

2.  Our support staff does not email me regarding my own clients.  They email the other girl who then forwards those messages to me.  MY OWN CLIENTS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 

3. The other girl is routinely e-mailed about projects and events but I’m not included on those emails.  However, it is expected that I attend these meetings, events, take part in projects etc even though I didn’t know about them in the first place. I have heard the following statement more than once, “oh. . .we forgot to include you on that e-mail didn’t we. . .” 

3.  A member of our support team just came up to me and goes “Did you realize you’re the only one not in that meeting (gestures to conference room) its like you don’t even exist!” 

He didn’t mean anything by his comment, he makes comments all the time that mean nothing yet have a deeper meaning to the person involved.  Like the time he told me I looked really tan and I realized I had doubled up on my bronzer that morning without realizing it.  Oops. 

A couple of weeks ago I had finally had enough of being by passed by my boss when I ask him questions directly.  Typically I’ll e-mail him and instead of e-mailing me back he’ll e-mail my coworker first.  Um. No.  So when I discussed this with him he said “it wasn’t what I thought it was”  (meaning I think he thinks I’m incompetent and doesn’t want to deal with me) but that he’s too busy so he just makes the senior sales person explain things.  While I understand that my boss is incredibly busy (we’re a small company) I’d like to establish a relationship with him and be able to grow within my position.  I work for a good company and I have a good job.  Unfortunately, I cannot work in an environment where I am not allowed the opportunity to excel or grow because my boss is too busy to work with me to achieve new goals.  12 months down and I don’t even know if I’m doing a good job.   

In the meantime I think my SARS/Flu is attempting a comeback today.  I feel gross and I want to feel well enough for Bikram Yoga tonight.  Today proved how poorly I felt last week as I couldn’t for the life of me remember if I paid my credit card bills, cable bill, or my Cingular bill.  I really started to freak out because I was convinced I hadn’t paid anything and that I had inadvertently screwed myself.  My Chase card really worried me since they have actually screwed up my account every month for the last four and I thought I had finally gotten everything fixed.  Turns out I paid everything during last Thursday’s 12 hours of delusional tv watching fest when I was home sick.  Who knew?  Thank you Washington Mutual for having online banking.    

In other news completely unrelated to work, we’re going to
San Diego in a couple of weeks! Woohoo.  Liquor and cheaply made Halloween costumes for everyone!  I’m excited.  I think my exact words to my mother were something along the lines of “I will look like a hooker, excessively drink, and then post pictures of the debauchery.”   It won’t be all liquor and craizness. . .I’m also checking it out to see if I could live down there (aka move) because there is a company I’m obsessed with headquartered in SD.  We shall see. . .